Monday, February 27, 2006

Is It Just Me?

I mentioned right back in the beginning of my blogging adventures, that I was not only going to be an aunty soon, but a step-Grandma as well. So now it's time to tell you the whole story. Settle yourself in for a cuppa, because this may take a while!

I'll start with a bit of background on the young lady in question (step daughter). Mother is a raging alcoholic, father is a heavy drinker too (grimace) but it doesn't affect things too badly on our home front. Maternal grandparents both dead, leaving mother millions and granddaughter hefty inheritance to be given on her 21st birthday. Paternal grandparents loving and concerned.
Mother now broke. Father couldn't discipline if his life depended on it.
Child was in an abusive relationship until 18 months ago, then moved in with a "friend". Definitely not her boyfriend according to her.

Ok. Here we go...

About 4 months ago, a friend of mine said she had seen mother and daughter at the shops and daughter looked about five months pregnant. I said she was a little overweight, but mentionedit to Sweetie anyway.
In November, Sweetie's nephew was killed in a car accident. At the wake was a lady with a beautiful baby, and I mentioned how I was looking forward to having grandkids. Step-daughter laughed and said not to expect them from her, she was not having kids! Meanwhile, she is drinking like a fish - seriously.
Spent Christmas with the family, as usual, still no mention of any pregnancy, however the mother let it slip accidently to Sweetie. So now we knew she was definitely having a baby - and soon.
Last week, Sweetie had a phone call from his daughter, informing him that he was a Grandfather, and she'd had a baby boy a month ago. I'm sorry? A month ago????
Oh, and could he please tell his parents, for her.

Is this not absolutely unbelievable to you? This girl has hidden her pregnancy all the way through, and just produced a baby. And still hasn't told her father the guy she is living with is her boyfriend and the father of this child.
But what I don't understand is the family's reaction. They are all so happy, and not one of them has asked her why she hid it from them - not one! Her father is scared that if he gets angry with her, she won't want anything to do with him, but she only rings when she wants something from him anyway. *shrug*

Maybe the family are right to be happy, I don't know. Maybe I am being the b**** here.

But is this really the way people behave? And everyone accepts it? Maybe I live in my own little world, and if that's the case, then I'll just stay here, thank you very much.

I'm trying to be cool about this, but it's pretty darn hard. However, I have bought some little outfits for baby, and am making him a quilt, and I will send them off in a couple of days.

Am I not normal? Please tell me your thoughts on this, because I am struggling with the whole situation right now...



Blogger The Rich Gypsy said...

Congratulations (I think) step~Grandma!!! This seems to be a dangerous trend developing ... not so much about the pregnancy etc but of parents actually being afraid of their children ... afraid that if they get angry with them the children will run away from them or not talk to them etc. I can't stand it. On all sides there's no respect. And that's a big thing that's lacking ~ not just with modern youth but with society. r.e.s.p.e.c.t. No one seems to have it anymore for anything. Not for each other and not for authority.

Sounds like the young 'lady' has never really had any firm guidance or appropriate role models. You're a 'step' Suzie so you'll probably be made out to be the bad guy if you say too much ... In the end, this baby is your Sweetie's flesh and blood and had no say as to the lousy situation he was born into. Guess all you can do is give him all the love you can and welcome him into your fold in the hope that he can have some sort of better start in life!

3:44 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I had to read your entry a few times before I could comment. Wow, what a story! I think that sometimes there are people who do things we cannot understand for reasons that go unanswered. I suppose it is our job to make the best of the situation and do what my mum would say... Build a bridge! With of course the water being the topic of question. It sounds as if you are doing just that! You should be proud of the way you are handling this situation, especially considering how close it is to home. After all is said and done.. there is still the matter of a child.

Congratulations on the new addition to your family... I just know that having you as a step grandma this child will be blessed with the gift of love.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Calidore said...

Wow. I guess it is how the other half live. I'm so glad that we are blessed in that we don't have those kinds of problems. I think you are right to feel a little p***ed off by the whole situation. And I agree with Rich Gypsys comments - what happened to respect? Respect of ourselves and of others. I think this young lady is on a very steep learning curve, which will be incredibly hard because of the lack of disapline and perhaps love in her life. The tragedy is that precious baby (who is so innocent in all of this) may be the one to suffer. So Step Grandma - all I think you can do, is be there if they need you, love and support them as best you can, but set boundries. In the end they might respect you more, for having taken a firm stand and not being a pushover like the parents.

Thinking of you both



4:16 PM  
Blogger Maggie Ann said...

I too think that this new little one will be blessed to have you as step Grandma....and I like the building bridges concept. It's just impossible to understand other people's actions sometimes. It's so loving of you to make the baby a quilt and buy are obviously doing all you can to be supportive and accepting. Try not to worry over it is what I think I'd try to do, and pray and trust God to work in hearts.

4:16 PM  
Blogger Alice said...

I certainly agree with the comments so far. Unfortunately, many people have no idea of the responsibilities of raising a child and treat it all as a bit of fun, and if it become too much of a burden then someone else will pick up the pieces. Whilst that may very well be you, Susie, at least the baby will have at least one responsible, loving person in its life. I think you will need lots of patience and perseverance in your dealings with the whole family. Best of luck, Susie. Remember, you have lots of blog friends to unburden yourself to at any time.

4:36 PM  
Blogger ms*robyn said...

I will email you xoxo

4:47 PM  
Blogger ms*robyn said...

ok, email on its way & I agree with everyone here - that little baby is so lucky to have you and your sweetie as grandparents - normal and loving. hugs to you xoxo

4:59 PM  
Blogger Flossy said...

You guys are the best! Every single one of you :)

I am pretty worried about the whole situation because of how that baby is going to be brought up. His mother is unfortunately, well on her way to being just like her mother and the father is always stoned.

I feel so sad for the babba - he is so little and not too healthy looking, and I can only hope and pray that he will be ok. I haven't even seen him yet - but Yog has and he is so disappointed with the whole situation too. But he still won't say anything to his daughter.

I tell you this - I KNOW my children would never in a million years be like that.

6:30 PM  
Blogger dolly said...

well I am so with everyone else, I too had to read this twice to believe it! yep I think your feelings on this are more than right *however* from my view it's best to sit tight and keep quiet or else yep you will look like the b**** in it all...anyway CONGRATULATIONS dollx

9:36 PM  
Blogger dolly said...

oh & tried to email you about your leetle fabric parcels & its bouncing back ~i'd love to join in...dollx

9:39 PM  
Blogger VintagePretty said...

It's so sad, but I guess all you can do is try to support the mother of the newborn, because she probably feels so alone. If she isn't able to confide in anyone, at a time which can be very isolating and scary, then that might make her turn to alcohol more than if she had the proper support. The only thing you can do is offer to help as best you can and give her advice.

Good luck!

2:32 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Sad situation...I have heard of this happening to someone else I know..getting a call on Father's Day no less...and the daughter saying..oh, by the are a grandpa of a month ago...
Prior to that, they had no idea there was any baby coming at all!! It was their first grand, too...sheesh!
They have tried to be as supportive as possible. The baby is not at fault for the situation.
So...just sew the baby quilt and do what you can.

8:00 AM  
Blogger Kali said...

Hi Floss ~ I've just read this ~ and have just sent you an email.

Congratulations on being a (very young!!!) Step~Gran.

1:06 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Wow. What a story. I can understand how hard it is to have children when you're not ready and even the desire to keep it quiet, but this is just amazing.

I don't know that her father getting anry at her is necessarily good either. He should be hurt and concerned, and I do think he should talk to her. But getting angry at her and letting it simmer are a bad idea because it will only alienate her and probably remove the only stable people from her life. He should explain how hurt he was and ask for answers to his questions though.

Sadly this is the way people really act and I think that so many people have become so jaded that they think it's not only normal but acceptable.

I think you're handeling it best as can be expected and are being very sweet by sending the clothing and handmade quilt. Congratulations to you and your family.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Mindy said...

I will email you Flossy!

6:13 AM  
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1:21 PM  

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