Friday, February 03, 2006

A Rant.


I feel like C**p today! Well, kind of anyway. Which is why I dug out this photo of me, to make myself feel better. I like this photo, even if it came outa bit blurry when I scanned it in.

I'm struggling with pathetic, meaningless insecurities about the way I look. This is hard for me, as I've never really been one to worry about it too much. It's crept up on me as I've gotten older, much the same way as the weight has crept onto my thighs and backside. Lord knows, I'm not overweight at all, but you know that feeling when your clothes get a bit tighter and nothing is comfortable any more? I have been dealing with that since before Christmas, and yesterday I went and bought some new clothes in the next size up so I can be comfortable again.
Now I couldn't care less what size clothes I take, but I just feel yuck - unhealthy, I guess. In my heart I know there is a perfectly logical reason for aforementioned weight gain - I haven't played sport for 2, no, nearly 3 months. I have now reached the age where I need exercise - ugh. I love to play sport, but I don't love to work out. I am hoping to go back to netball very soon, as long as my dodgy ankles are up to it. There's another thing - age brings a host of problems, and my joints just don't handle the hammering I give them like they used to. Now it takes a half hour of strapping and a whole role of tape before I can even step onto the court!
And right at this very moment, I have a pimple the size of Mt Everest, right between the eyes! I kid you not, it's huge. (Well, maybe not Everest, but at least Mt Fuji). What is? I am 35, not 15 - I thought all this would be over and done with by now. I hate, hate, hate it!!!!!!
I am a moody, insecure cow, who looks nothing like the glamorous thing in the picture today.

I feel old...I am going to write in my gratitude diary in the hope that I can focus on the positives in my life, rather than this rubbish.
Thanks for listening :)

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7 Comments:

Blogger Calidore said...

Try being 38 my dear. It gets worse. Like you I have put on weight, due to hormones, need excerise, but I hate it and eat far too much. I'm not fat either, just slightly cuddly and I have finally realised that the mirrors in the Target changing rooms do not lie - my thighs are that big...sob.

Love the photo - wish I looked that good even five years ago.

Hope your day improves.

Sending hugs your way.

Catherine

9:40 AM  
Blogger ms*robyn said...

35 - 38 ?? try 48 haha ! seriously though - I was skinnie minnie all my younger years. The past few years, specially since going through the dreaded menopause - I have put weight on and found it hard to lose it. Try walking if your joints cant take much more and if the weight really bothers you - I recommend weight watchers, it is so easy.
don't stress too much dear floss. that pimple will disappear soon. xoxo

11:31 AM  
Blogger Shell said...

Oh, it doesn't matter what age you are - we all have days like that. Female hormones suck so bad, I don't even want to start ranting about them! The only way to get over it is to try and ignore everything you've ever heard about beauty and get on with being the wonderful person that you are.

Truly, we are our own worst critics. Everyone's too busy thinking about themselves to worry about your pimple or little bit of weight gain anyway! It's true!

11:50 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

Can I join in the age race, too? No, I don't really want you to try being 62 before your time. Actually, I'm quite happy at that age, although I'd love to regain the fitness I had 30 years ago. I admit that I've been overweight (sometimes a little, often a lot) since I was about 10 years old. However, I think I'm making headway losing some weight now, and my son gave me a three-month membership to a lovely new gym nearby for Christmas. I've never used a gym before so that's a new experience for me.

Just relax, Flossy, even these bad feelings are only temporary and tomorrow you'll probably be on top of the world again.

1:16 PM  
Blogger shellyC said...

Wrong kind of photo to dig out Flossy!!! As stunning as you are.

i got my husband to take one of me this christmas at the beach. One of those photos where I slouched, breathed out and relaxed and added an instant 20 kilos to the picture!!! I look bloody awful!! Now on days where I feel like you are today...i can look at that photo and feel better!!

3:06 PM  
Blogger ms*robyn said...

shellyc ! hahaha

9:53 PM  
Blogger Garden girl said...

anyone who looks that good to begin with cant be half as bad now....hope youre feeling a lot better now. I have those days too...many many of them and many more thanI woul dlike now that I'm hitting those ghastly menop years.

11:45 PM  

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