I feel like C**p today! Well, kind of anyway. Which is why I dug out this photo of me, to make myself feel better. I like this photo, even if it came outa bit blurry when I scanned it in.
I'm struggling with pathetic, meaningless insecurities about the way I look. This is hard for me, as I've never really been one to worry about it too much. It's crept up on me as I've gotten older, much the same way as the weight has crept onto my thighs and backside. Lord knows, I'm not overweight at all, but you know that feeling when your clothes get a bit tighter and nothing is comfortable any more? I have been dealing with that since before Christmas, and yesterday I went and bought some new clothes in the next size up so I can be comfortable again.
Now I couldn't care less what size clothes I take, but I just feel yuck - unhealthy, I guess. In my heart I know there is a perfectly logical reason for aforementioned weight gain - I haven't played sport for 2, no, nearly 3 months. I have now reached the age where I need exercise - ugh. I love to play sport, but I don't love to work out. I am hoping to go back to netball very soon, as long as my dodgy ankles are up to it. There's another thing - age brings a host of problems, and my joints just don't handle the hammering I give them like they used to. Now it takes a half hour of strapping and a whole role of tape before I can even step onto the court!
And right at this very moment, I have a pimple the size of Mt Everest, right between the eyes! I kid you not, it's huge. (Well, maybe not Everest, but at least Mt Fuji). What is? I am 35, not 15 - I thought all this would be over and done with by now. I hate, hate, hate it!!!!!!
I am a moody, insecure cow, who looks nothing like the glamorous thing in the picture today.
I feel old...I am going to write in my gratitude diary in the hope that I can focus on the positives in my life, rather than this rubbish.
Thanks for listening :)